Communication Perceptions

I must admit I was a little uncomfortable completing the exercise for this week as I communicate in vastly different ways depending upon my audience. I felt like I chose "sometimes" too often because of this. I am also in a transition with jobs right now and would have loved to have one of my staff or other colleagues complete the surveys to get a true picture of my professional side. Instead, I used my husband and my mother. My husband showed anxiety in completing it as well as he did not the results to cause hard feelings. I ensured him I would be fine.

For the most part we all agreed on all of the surveys which was enlightening as I know which ones I struggle with. It was confirmed that I am an emotional listener and this often clouds my judgement. This is very true as I internalize other people's problems. The surprising result came from my mother's result on verbal aggression. I felt I tend to listen, but will defend myself or a situation when needed, but not attack a person's character. Both my husband and I scored this test as "moderate". My mother's result came back as "significant". I was a little offended by that, but also remember that she usually hears me venting about situations instead of observing me in action so I can justify that score.

The two insights I gleamed this week included the profound impact our schemas have on our ability to communicate whether intentional or not. I am aware of my feelings, but struggle with how to be more conscious of it prior to judging. Personally and professionally, everyone deserves a fair chance and I should not critique them based on my own biases. The other insight that hit close to home was the topic of self-esteem. I have been recently displaced from my position and instead of crawling under a rock, I am choosing to be proactive and perceive this as a
new opportunity. I know I made a difference with the standards I brought to the program and I am going to use those experiences, both good and bad, to pursue new opportunities. In talking with colleagues about the situation, many have commented that they are surprised at my positive outlook. Conversely, a close friend of mine has gone through the same ordeal and has suffered from depression. She expressed that she will never find a job and almost defeats herself before trying. They say attitudes are contagious and I hope that mine is worth catching.

Communication styles

I communicate differently depending upon my audience. The social identities I share with a variety of groups depends upon what information I share. I am much more relaxed with friends and family than my colleagues and strangers. I am more open and honest with friends and can be myself yet when I communicate with other groups, there is a need to filter certain topics and body language. I need to become very introverted when meeting new people yet when I am in a group of colleagues, I am often the advocate for change. I tend to be the one who says what everyone else is thinking. I may exhibit more formal body language with elder family members yet relax with friends and younger family members.


To better communicate with these groups, I need to better understand the human traits they exhibit rather than the social identities that bond us. I must acknowledge that differences are ok instead of feeling defensive if another viewpoint is presented. I acknowledge that I am much more empathetic with my closer family members and friends, but could need to expand that into colleagues and strangers. I struggle with empathy for my staff because I have been perceived to have "favorites". In this instance, I have resorted to being much more black & white and follow the rule book. Finally, I need to be cognizant of the emotions that become involved in the communication. I often take comments personally only to later find that this was not the intention of the other party. Once I feel hurt or belittled in any way, I tend to disengage and not listen as closely. By removing the emotion of the message and focus on the message only, I am able to communicate more effectively with all parties (Vuckovic, 2008).

Reference:

Vuckovic, A. (2008). Inter-cultural communication: A foundation of communicative action. Multicultural Education and Technology Journal, 2(1), 47–59.

What Did You Say?

While there are only a view shows that I watch on a regular basis, I am exposed to a number of other shows that my children and husband watch. I finally settled on "Everybody Hates Chris". I missed the beginning credits of the show so as I watched it on mute, I had no idea there was narration to explain the story. I watched a wife come home and appear to be unhappy about a situation in which she talked to her husband about. Her face showed anger and frustration and her hair looked like she was in a wind storm. Her husband appeared to not want to engage with her as he rolled his eyes and pretended to sleep. Later on she calls her children into the room while continuing to appear upset. The children entered the room with their shoulders down and the looks on their faces made me believe they were in trouble for something. The show then flashed to a school scene in which two middle school children were competing for school president. At first, I believed the first boy would win as the audience was smiling and clapping while nodding their heads. The second boy appeared to be nervous as another classmate smiles at him and pats him on the back. The first candidate then appeared to be a bully as he hit the second candidate in the head as he walked off the stage. I witnessed his confidence build in his speech as his body language went from reserved to comfortable and his arm movements increased. The audience was whispering to each other then moved into clapping with enthusiasm and laughing. The second candidate won and the teachers cheered while the first candidate slumped in his seat.


After watching the show with the volume on, my assumptions were correct with a mother and father role and two children. I found the narration helpful as it explained the backstory and I was unaware of this venue of communication while I watched it on mute. I did learn that the second candidate was also the third child of the family. I was utterly moved by his speech and how he connected with the other students on a person level by talking about things that affected all of them and how he wanted to make a change for the student community instead of a select few. I wanted to vote for him!


I actually enjoyed the show and the comedic theme behind growing up in a diverse neighborhood. I would have liked to watched additional shows and saddened that I missed the run. I do believe that I would have had a deeper insight into the show if I were familiar with the story line prior to watching on mute. I also believe that I would have watched the show on mute as closely as I did if I had known the characters. I struggled with just watching their body language and attempted to lip read most of the story. I wanted to know what they were saying!

Competent Communicator

I chose a very close friend and colleague of mine to reflect upon for communication. We met through a training and couldn't be more opposite from each other. She is quiet and reserved, I tend to voice my opinion and rally the troops. She advocates by asking questions, I advocate by writing letters to newspapers and political offices. Over time we have gotten very close and I can honestly say that I trust her with my life. She has been my rock when things go crazy and I feel I can't keep up any more.


There are so many things that make her a competent communicator. First and foremost, she listens. Truly listens. Once she listens, she then empathizes and acknowledges feelings. I have watched in awe as I knew she was battling her own demons when we went out with a friend who was going through a divorce. Our friend shared her heartbreak and how difficult it is to move on and even get out of bed. Susan worked her magic and brought a smile to her face by the end of the conversation. I sat there dumbfounded and not a clue what to say.


I wish that I could find the words like Susan does and be able to make a connection like she does verbally. I never know what to say, but will listen. I am much better at writing to express my thoughts as I can take my time to formulate my point of view and consider my audience. My verbal communication has gotten me into trouble in more ways than I can count. I have learned the lesson that once it is said, it cannot be taken back. If I were Susan, my words wouldn't need to be taken back.